I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I don't want my vagina anymore.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
