standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
