Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
