thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
