based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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