I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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