Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
