dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Randomize
