After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
