never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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