I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
