I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
