So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
