can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
