I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
you never un-have a 4some
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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