17 year olds will be the death of me.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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