i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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