I'm gonna have a badass scar
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
