dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
