I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
