An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
