Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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