have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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