Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Say something about gay babies.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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