my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
