We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
