U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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