Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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