The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
