apparently the secret to your success is patron
Michael Bay diarrhea
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
