i just google imaged poop.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
