youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
