you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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