you guys were way drunker than both of me
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
