I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
