wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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