I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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