the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
