When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
