; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
apparently the secret to your success is patron
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
