I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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