i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
There's even glitter on my cock...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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