what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dick very happy bro
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
