It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize