you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
