He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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