I'm gonna have a badass scar
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
