I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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