She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
