i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
