Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
