therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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