Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
then he tried to convert me to islam
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
