I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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