the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
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