I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
