Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
