just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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