somebody snuck up and got me drunk
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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