She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
