Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
