home. puking in laundry basket.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left an ass print on the piano.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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