shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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