i barfeds in our rink
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
