yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
