I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
