The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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