3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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